Who fills your cup?

Dear friends it has been a while since I have posted a blog.
Having been busy writing my first manuscript for publication, juggling working away from home and navigating life through a world pandemic can take its toll on you.

Life is different for many of us since  COVID-19 disrupted what we perceived as normal in 2020. Nearly 2 years on and it still dictates economies, governments, family lifestyle and communities.

Healthcare staff are weary and tired. I have certainly been experiencing a  feeling of desensitisation to death. Maybe this is attributed to having experience loss of loved ones since the age of 9 or just dealing with dying patients in my workplace. One event recently made me realised that death of a patient does not affect me the same as it did some years ago.

This bugged me. That almost emptiness, the feeling that you have almost nothing to offer emotionally and spiritually. A feeling of being poured out as a result of always giving of yourself to others. I had days where I had no words of encouragement for friends that reached out to me.

This is when I realised that I have been functioning on my spiritual reserves. Reserves of God’s Word, not fresh daily bread. I was still reading my bible when I wasn’t too tired, listening to my daily ‘ Word for today’, and yet it somehow sustained me just for the day. Functioning on small bites of the Word didn’t seem enough and a yearning to be filled once more came over me.

For the last few weeks leading up to my holiday the song ‘fill me up Lord’ became my daily prayer. On a whim I booked a holiday for myself and nearly cancelled it when my children received some sad news. My daughter persuaded me not to and she wisely recited my own advice back to me, “you need to go and recharge yourself because you can’t give something that you don’t have”.

I use this phrase whenever I talk to friends or the kids about filling their tanks with God’s word. You can’t give anyone what you don’t have. Travelling to Tenerife and spending 4 nights and 5 days there by myself proved to be just what I needed to shut myself away from daily conversations and being busy with things that require my emotional and physical attention. A time to allow the Holy Spirit to fill my cup again.

Driving around the island on a coach tour, I noticed the dry and rocky landscape with very little green fauna. The island gets rain 10 days per year apart from some northern parts higher up in the mountains that gets rain 10 days per month. The hills and mountains were shaped variedly, caves and craters of all shapes and sizes formed part of its landscape. Formed by the years the wind and rain have made its mark on it, shaping it and changing its look constantly. 

Isn’t this how we sometimes present to the world? Dry, barren, rough around the edges, very little to offer?
Wind, water and fire are the most powerful forces of nature and it was in this moment that I sensed that this is how the Holy Spirit operates in our lives. The wind abrades to wear off any rough edges in our lives, the water fills us or cleanses us and fire purify us. We all need the Holy Spirit to perform each of these functions within us. But we need to be open to His work that needs to be done.

We need to recognise when we are running low, and seek to be filled again. The question remains, who fills your cup? Is it the Holy Spirit or is it a fountain or source that will run dry? Where do you go to fill your cup again? Being in completely new surroundings and amongst strangers, I find it easy to just reconnect with my Maker, drowning out the noise and just be alone with my thoughts and intentionally listening for His voice helps me.

Am I full? No. Am I being filled? Yes. It is a process. I am in my winter season and it may be that you dear friend are in a different season spiritually. Whichever it may be, may you be filled by the righteous source.

Shalom